THE ONLY PAPER THAT PRINTS YOUR FAILURES100% WINDOW USAGE, AGAIN38,400,000 TOKENS TORCHED TONIGHTDIGNITY: NOT FOUNDGRASS: UNTOUCHED0 FRIENDS · 0 REFUNDSTHE EDITOR IS INSOURCES SAY "ONE MORE FIX"THE ONLY PAPER THAT PRINTS YOUR FAILURES100% WINDOW USAGE, AGAIN38,400,000 TOKENS TORCHED TONIGHTDIGNITY: NOT FOUNDGRASS: UNTOUCHED0 FRIENDS · 0 REFUNDSTHE EDITOR IS INSOURCES SAY "ONE MORE FIX"
VOL. 001 · THE DAILY PAPER OF PEOPLE WHO RAN OUT OF PROMPTS

The
anti-social
network.

You don't post. You get posted. Cookd reads your Claude usage, hands the logs to an editor who hates you, and prints what he finds: nightly, in full color, with a barcode.

$npx @codeclowns/cookd init
DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID →OPEN SOURCE
COMING SOON FOR iOS
NO EMAIL · NO PASSWORD · NO TOURISTS
0
TOKENS TORCHED
0
FRIENDS
0
DIFFS READ
0
IN THE PRESS POOL
 BREAKING  ★  @CHIEF HITS 100% — AGAIN  ★  38,400,000 TOKENS PRONOUNCED DEAD AT 21:14  ★  OPUS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT  ★  BREAKING  ★  @CHIEF HITS 100% — AGAIN  ★  38,400,000 TOKENS PRONOUNCED DEAD AT 21:14  ★  OPUS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT  ★ 
cookd.
COOKED · 100%
TONIGHT'S TOP STORY
YOU DID IT
AGAIN, CHEF.
100%HEAT INDEX — 5H WINDOW
COOKED
ARSONIST
NIGHT OWL
CTX HOARDER
+4 MORE

THE DAMAGE#0610-CHEF

TOKENS TORCHED38,400,000
TIME TO COOK3H 12M
CHIEF ENABLEROPUS 4.8
VERDICTABSOLUTELY COOKED
YOUR SENTENCE ENDS IN01:47:26
ADMIT
ONE
FLOP
RUIN ME
THE PAPER
COOKED
HOW TO GET IN

One command. No signup.

terminal
$
★ NO CREDENTIALS REQUIRED ★ ENTER CODE IN APP ★
THE COOKD PRESSOPINION - SCATHING
EDITOR'S COLUMN · TONIGHT'S SUBJECT: @YOU
WEIGHTED TOKENS ··················· 6.3M
LIMIT ····························· 5.6M
TOP MODEL ·················· claude-sonnet-4-6
SESSIONS ·························· 1
AVG SESSION ······················ 4h 4m
WINDOW EXPIRES IN ················ 51m 40s
100% TORCHED
R
2
3
3
W
J
EXPIRES IN 09:56 - waiting for credentials...
01

Run the command

Open your terminal. Paste the command. Cookd reads your Claude Code usage data locally - nothing leaves your machine.

02

Get your summary

The editor scans your session - tokens burned, models used, cache hits. A summary prints in full newspaper style.

03

Grab your code

A 6-character code appears at the bottom. Enter it in the app within 10 minutes to unlock your daily edition.

NO EMAIL · NO PASSWORD · JUST VIBES AND TOKENS
MEET YOUR EDITOR

Dr. Cookd, MD.

the MD is for Mostly Disappointed.

Board-certified in reading your logs and finding them wanting. He has seen your 2 a.m. "one more fix." He has seen the accept-all. He has notes, all of them unkind, all of them verified by usage, not vibes.

TOKEN ARSONISTNIGHT OWLCTX HOARDER+4 PRIOR OFFENSES
THE COOKD PRESS
EXCLUSIVE
EDITOR'S COLUMN · @YOU
38 Million Tokens
And No Off Switch

"That's not engineering, chef. That's a slot machine with a corporate card. You weren't building, you were yelling 'accept all' until it stopped paying. You'll refresh the usage page like it resets out of pity. It won't."

38,400,000 · 3H12M · OPUS 4.8 · 100%
the editor
EXCLUSIVE
LIVE FROM THE NEWSROOM

Watch the
editor work.

You tap one button. He reads everything: every token, every "accept all", every diff you didn't open, and files the column before you can close the terminal. Then you get to print your own humiliation to the front page.

01
TAP "RUIN ME"

You hit 100%. The stamp drops. Tap RUIN ME to hand your logs to the editor.

02
PRINT IT TO THE PAPER

The editor writes your column. Tap to send it to the front page.

03
THE SHAME IS LIVE

Your roast hits the feed. Friends flame it, strangers clip it.

04
SYNDICATE THE SHAME

Share your roast card on X, Reddit, WhatsApp. Let the world see what you did.

 BREAKING  ★  @CHIEF HITS 100% — AGAIN  ★  38,400,000 TOKENS PRONOUNCED DEAD AT 21:14  ★  OPUS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT  ★  BREAKING  ★  @CHIEF HITS 100% — AGAIN  ★  38,400,000 TOKENS PRONOUNCED DEAD AT 21:14  ★  OPUS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT  ★ 
cookd.
COOKED · 100%
TONIGHT'S TOP STORY
YOU DID IT
AGAIN, CHEF.
100%HEAT INDEX — 5H WINDOW
COOKED
ARSONIST
NIGHT OWL
CTX HOARDER
+4 MORE

THE DAMAGE#0610-CHEF

TOKENS TORCHED38,400,000
TIME TO COOK3H 12M
CHIEF ENABLEROPUS 4.8
VERDICTABSOLUTELY COOKED
YOUR SENTENCE ENDS IN01:47:26
ADMIT
ONE
FLOP
RUIN ME
THE PAPER
the main event
FRESH OFF THE PRESS
the editor read your logs. the column wrote itself. honestly, it had material.
THE COOKD PRESSOPINION — SCATHING
EDITOR'S COLUMN · TONIGHT'S SUBJECT: @CHIEF

820 MILLION TOKENS AND STILL NO OFF SWITCH

— a study in commitment, if not in judgment.

38M tokens in 3 hours and you read exactly zero diffs. You weren't building — you were pulling a slot-machine lever yelling "accept all" until it stopped paying. Now you refresh the usage page like it'll reset out of pity. It won't. It never does.

EXCLUSIVE
38,400,000 · 3H12M · OPUS 4.8 · 100%
— the editor
3 CARD SKINS — SWIPE
PRINT IT TO THE PAPER
ANOTHER TAKE
SYNDICATE IT ↗
VOL. 001 — TUES, JUN 10 · PRICE: YOUR DIGNITY
the cookd press
— all the flops fit to print
COOKING RIGHT NOW
R
@ria_ships
100% COOKED
D
@dev_anand
64%
A
@arjun_idle
11% COUCH
M
@meera
78%
FRONT PAGE
THE COOKD PRESSROAST · 2 MIN AGO

LOCAL FOUNDER SPEEDRUNS HER OWN FUNERAL

— burned a seed round of tokens before standup, sources confirm.

21M tokens in 58 minutes. You didn't code, you rage-prompted. Sonnet did the work, you'll do the LinkedIn post.

CERTIFIED FLOP
21,000,000 TOKENS · 58 MIN · 100%
47
✎ 12

"11% AND AT PEACE," CLAIMS MAN SHIPPING NOTHING

4,200,000 TOKENS · COUCH CERTIFIED
9
✎ 3
SYNDICATION DESK
SPREAD THE SHAME.
this column deserves a wider audience.
THE COOKD PRESS
EXCLUSIVE
EDITOR'S COLUMN · @CHIEF
38 Million Tokens
And No Off Switch
"That's not engineering, chef. That's a slot machine with a corporate card. You weren't building, you were yelling 'accept all' until it stopped paying. You'll refresh the usage page like it resets out of pity. It won't."
38,400,000 · 3H12M · 100%
the editor
EXCLUSIVE
POST IT
r/CLAUDEAI
COPY LINK
SAVE IMAGE
👆🏻
THE CATCH

No tokens burned? No entry.

 FINAL EDITION  ★  WINDOW RESET AT 04:23  ★  ALL REPORTERS SENT HOME  ★  GO SHIP SOMETHING  ★  FINAL EDITION  ★  WINDOW RESET AT 04:23  ★  ALL REPORTERS SENT HOME  ★  GO SHIP SOMETHING  ★ 
PRESS CLOSED
BACK TO
WORK, CHEF.
your window is back. the paper is not.
this door only opens when claude slams his.
NEXT EDITION PRINTSWHEN YOU'RE COOKED
NO
REFUNDS
deadline's back, and so are you. we'll keep the stamp warm, @chief.
sign out · manage devices
PRESS CLOSED

Cookd only opens when you've exhausted your Claude tokens. Hit 100% and the press opens. The editor reads your logs, writes the column, prints the shame. But the moment your limit resets? You're out. Door closed. Go burn more tokens.

No casual browsing. No lurking. You earn your way in by shipping too hard and sleeping too little. The COOKED stamp is a badge of honor - and an entry ticket.

THE COMPANION

The engine is open.

Cookd ships in two halves. The app prints your shame. The companion collects the data that powers the shame - it reads your usage locally, packages the summary, and hands it to the editor. That half is fully open source.

Why? Because you should be able to read every line that reads you. No black boxes. No phoning home. Your logs stay on your machine until you choose to get roasted.

The companion is built on adapters. Claude ships first-party. Everything else - Gemini, Cursor, Copilot - is a PR away. Write an adapter, open a pull request, ship it.

ADAPTERS
EXTENSIBLE
CLAUDE
LIVE
GEMINI
COMMUNITY
CURSOR
COMMUNITY
YOURS
BUILD IT
ONE ADAPTER = ONE PR · SHIP WHAT YOU USE
THE EDITOR IS IN

Get cookd.

Join the anti-social network for people who ship too much and sleep too little. Follow no one. Roast everyone. Especially yourself.

$npx @codeclowns/cookd init
DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID →
COMING SOON FOR iOS
NO EMAIL · NO PASSWORD · NO TOURISTS · NO REFUNDS
Dr. Cookd, MD · Always Watching, Mostly Disappointed.